Binkies and Blankies

If you've never experienced the binky kiss, you're missing out. It is definitely one of my favorites.

In our house, binkies have several names- paci, bink, pinkman (related to color), binkman (for obvious reasons), Mr. Binkman (if I'm feeling goofy), and my mom's name for it: the plug. Whatever you call it, we don't leave home without it.

Little sister has been addicted to her pacifiers since day one at the hospital. This is new territory for us, since her big sis is a finger sucker. The baby may not have grown such a dependency on that tiny piece of silicone and plastic if she had been the first born. Once there were two little beings to take care of, I began to really appreciate the quiet moments and tried my best to keep the peace. Also, lil R.C. has quite a set of lungs on her. At four months of age, when most babies are just learning how to sleep through the night, mine all of a sudden stopped. The binky, it turns out, was not such a reliable friend to the baby when she was alone, sleeping in her crib. As each sleep cycle would come to an end, she would awaken just enough to realize she was no longer puffing on her bink. Then she would wake up and scream bloody murder. In a matter of days I was going from waking up once a night to waking up 10 times a night. This was not working for me. I turned to my trusty parenting support group- the Internet. I read and re-read a number of baby forums in search of the best way to help her fall asleep without the comforting sucking action of the plug. There was one family that found success by taking away the paci and replacing it with a small blanket for baby to clutch. Take away the paci?? If a little silicone nipple gave my baby enough comfort so that we could both sleep, who was I to take it away? She was so little, and looked so angry when she cried. When I was a baby it was called a security blanket. Did I really want to take away one dependency and replace it with another? In desperation, I gave it a try. We happened to have a little pink, flannel blankie that came packaged with a toy. She latched right onto it the first night and hasn't let go. (Well, except for the time I left it at home when we traveled to visit my Dad in CA, but that's a whole other post) Sometimes it has to be in the wash when she goes down for naps, and lucky for me she is pretty non-discriminating and will take a “dippy” (cloth diaper) in a pinch. When I come in to get her up from a long night's rest or her afternoon nap, the first thing she does is smile and bang her legs on the crib mattress. Then as she sees me reach to pick her up, she scrambles to grab her blankie, or Lovey, as I have affectionately named it. She holds it to her face for one last makeout session and sometimes it accompanies her to the changing table, but it never leaves her room. I think it is best if Lovey remains a crib comfort and not a drag-around-town sort of thing. Yesterday after R.C.'s nap I picked her up and changed her diaper before taking her downstairs. Here was an occasion where Lovey came with us for diaper duty. Afterward, I went and stood next to the crib and told her that it was time to put Lovey back into the crib for later. There was a long pause while she stared at me and I held my breath and waited. All of a sudden she tossed him right back into the crib. She's a certified genius!

Back to the binky kiss...

As most moms know, it is important to multi-task, or else you could spend your entire day running up and down the stairs moving things from point A to point B. That is why when I pick up the baby, I often have to put something in my pocket or clench it between my teeth. This morning when I went to take R.C. upstairs for her morning nap, I also wanted to scoop up a pile of folded laundry and of course...the binky. Now that she is older, I let her have the binky only for naps, never at night. (Yah, I was weak...but she loves that thing) I was holding it between my teeth by the plastic ring and one of my favorite exchanges came next- the binky kiss. This is when the baby leans over and takes the paci right out of my mouth with her puckered little lips. Today was different. After she had taken the binky and sucked on it for a few seconds, she popped it out and held it out to me. You want some binky, mama? What a sweetheart, already learning how to share at just 10 ½ months! I told her 'thank you' but that she could enjoy it instead. She promptly put it back in and began to puff away.

Binky, blankie, or the first two fingers on her right hand...whatever soothes away infant and toddler angst is OK in my book. I may be setting myself up for a bigger struggle later on when it is important for their development to stop these habits, but I think I have a few years before that happens. In the interim, I will continue to wash Lovey so he smells clean and fresh for naptime makeout sessions and I will continue to keep a mental map of the location of each of the baby's plugs, lest we find ourselves searching behind the crib at 6am on a Saturday morning just to keep the peace.

Big Brother

A few weeks ago my baby monitor broke.  The cord to the receiver finally frayed enough that it was no longer able to provide power to the monitor.  This has actually happened once before- that should tell you how much I use it.  This time, I endured 10 painful days of withdrawal, as I impatiently waited for the new cord to arrive in the mail.  Each day when there wasn’t a package in my mailbox, I quietly cursed myself for being too cheap to choose expedited shipping.  This is no ordinary audio monitor… nope- I have the big brother-esque video monitor complete with two cameras to keep a watchful eye over each of my daughters.  Now, I know plenty of moms whose children survived babyhood without a monitor all together or simply used an audio monitor to alert them to a crying baby.  But when I got pregnant with my preschooler, my sister insisted the video monitor was a necessity and she started my baby registry with this all-important item.   When C.R. was about 2 weeks old, I complained to my mom over the phone that the baby made such ridiculously loud noises while she slept that I was checking on her most of the night.  She told me that it was time to put her in her own room since I needed every wink of sleep I could get.  That night, my husband took the video monitor out of the box and attached the camera to the wall above her crib.  This one moment would define so many to come in the future, it was the beginning of a long term dependency that has become very hard to kick.  My name is Melissa, and I am a video monitor addict. 

My husband was and is much more relaxed about monitoring the girls, but I quickly became obsessed with watching.  When other mamas see the video monitor, they almost always ask how much I like it.  My answer is always the same- it is a blessing and a curse.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some great advantages to having a bird’s eye view of your baby.  I am able to see if it’s a leg-caught-in-crib-slats cry versus a just-want-one-more-cuddle cry.   I, unlike most mamas, know the exact day that my daughter first rolled over onto her tummy.  I know that C.R. likes to sleep with her shirt pulled up so she can rub her belly button.  I know that the baby sleeps on her back with both hands raised above her head, similar to how she slept in my tummy. 

I remember when C.R. was about 4 months old.  My husband came home from work around midnight and tiptoed into our bedroom to kiss me goodnight.  The baby had been sleeping through the night for a few weeks by now, and I was enjoying the new-found freedom to roll over in my bed without fear of crushing her.  As usual, the video monitor was casting its eerie, blue glow across the room with a view of our sleeping babe in her crib.  I stirred enough that my husband sat down and asked how my evening had been.  After a little bit of small talk, he asked me why I left the video portion of the monitor on while I was sleeping.  I told him it was so that at any time during the night, I could simply wake up and look over at the baby to make sure she was OK.  He started to argue with me that the majority of the time my eyes were closed, so what was the point- but he soon realized that he was dealing with an overly-protective mother hen.  I did eventually realize that sleeping in the dark was preferable and I agreed to turn the video off while we slept.   

When the baby was born, we discussed my desire to buy another camera so that I could keep an eye on both of the girls.  I wasn’t in a hurry since I knew the baby would sleep in our room for several weeks, but my husband thought we could just take C.R.’s camera off her wall and move it to the nursery.  How ridiculous!!  She was only a few months past two and had recently transitioned to her big girl bed, there was no way I was ready to relinquish my spying habit.  A new camera was ordered, but then the dilemma of what to do when the monitor was set to one room and how would I know what the other was up to?  Solution- I bought the cheapest audio monitor I could find and plugged it into the baby’s room.  This way I could keep a watchful eye over the wandering toddler and an ear out for newborn cries.  If the baby cried out, I could switch channels on the video monitor and see her in an instant.  Problem solved.  With one exception-  two monitors was quite a chore to keep going.  Several times I would go up for bed and leave one or the other of the monitors plugged in downstairs.  At night, the audio monitor hummed annoyingly and the video monitor sometimes encountered feedback, perhaps running into interference from the audio monitor.  I kept up this silly routine right up until the cord broke on the video monitor.  I was now in quite a predicament.  With only an audio monitor, I put the girls to bed and was forced to listen only to the quiet hum from one of their rooms.  I was unable to see if C.R. was wandering around her room or illegally jumping up and down on her bed.  I had no idea what time she actually drifted off to sleep and I didn’t know if she cried out for me in the middle of the night.  The only upside that I could see was that I was able to foster my guilty pleasure of creeping into their rooms before I went to bed to plant one last kiss on their heads and watch them as they slumbered.  But- I survived the night, and more importantly, so did she.  I actually slept quite well that night and the subsequent nine days without my baby spy camera.  I realized that there was not any reason to keep C.R. on the monitor throughout the night- she was old enough to get out of bed and come looking for me if and when she needed me.  Now that the new cord has arrived, I have amended my ways.  I put the baby on the audio monitor when she first goes down at night and keep her big sis on the video monitor.  This way we can keep tabs on her post-bedtime antics that we silently hope she will outgrow (tomorrow).  Then when I go up to bed, I unplug the audio monitor and leave it downstairs.  The video monitor accompanies me upstairs and is tuned to the baby for the remainder of the night.  This solution has been just one, albeit important, step in my steep learning curve toward letting go as my children grow and mature.    

If a new mom asked me if she should get a video monitor, I would probably still answer the same way- it is a blessing and a curse.  But it is hard now to look back over the past three years and imagine my life without it.  I was able to avoid injury when my then two-year-old learned how to climb out of the crib.  I was able to see that the baby was crying only because she had spit out her binky and not for a more serious reason.  Is it a blessing or a curse that I know exactly what my kids are doing 24 hours a day?  I am still figuring that one out.   

This is my first time...

Hello.  My name is Melissa.  Or Mel.  Or better yet, Mama.  However you address me, I will answer.  My personal favorite right now was given to me by my 3-year old:  Mama Mel.  Anyway- This is my first blog post.  I really enjoy writing, anything to do with my two daughters, and popcorn.  Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy.

What does ‘My Only Sunshine’ mean?  In my tiny world it refers to the second line of the lullaby You are my Sunshine.  My mom sang that song to me when I was a baby, and I have continued that tradition by singing it to my own babies.  When I first began singing it (over three years ago), I couldn’t get through the first verse without breaking down into a sniffling, weepy mess.  It is still not clear to me why the song is so sentimental to me. 

It could be because my mama sang it to me so it reminds me of her.  She’s my best friend and, unfortunately for me, lives two airline flights away, so I don’t get to spend as much time with her as I would like. 

But the actual words are pretty heartbreaking too.  It’s ripe with raw emotion.  You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.  That line in particular makes my lip quiver, my eyes grow blurry.  What a terrifically tragic verse.  Unrequited love.  I want my children to grow up and be strong and happy and all that good stuff.  But I also want them to know something.   Love.  Every mama wants this, I am certain.

The song has remained a favorite in the lullaby iTunes of my singing repertoire.  And to be fair and honest- I cannot so much as carry a tune.  But I still sing every day, several times a day.  Practice makes perfect??  Well, not exactly.  I’m such a dork that I searched for the lyrics one day while I was online.  I learned a lot about the song.  Unbeknownst to me, it’s a country song and also one of the official songs of the state of Louisiana.  It has five unique verses plus the widely known chorus.  I decided that five verses was too long for a lullaby, so the version I sing includes the first verse, flanked by two rounds of the chorus at the front and back end.  By the way- while I write this I am listening to a somewhat muzak-y version of it, for inspiration.  Very twangy, and Louisiana-ish, if you will.  Here’s the link:

http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/sunshine.htm

I have two particularly special memories tied to the song, one for each of my daughters.  The first one happened right after we moved into our current house.  I was lightly swaying and holding C.R. right before bedtime- one little arm tucked under, head resting in the bend of my elbow, legs draped across my body and feet dangling into the quiet darkness of her bedroom.  I started to sing ‘You are my Sunshine’ and my little girl began singing along with me.  She was probably about 22 months and talking quite a bit by then, but I had no idea she knew the words to the song.  I guess hearing it every night of your life for almost two years might do that to a gal.  My heart sang along with her that night.  It was a moment to cherish.  She loves music and dancing and I like to think all that singing had something to do with it. 

The other “this is it” moment for me and ol’ Sunshine happened just yesterday.  The baby sleeps four times a day still- she is eight months old.  Songs at naptime are often quick ones like Twinkle, twinkle little star and even with that one I am frequently outside her door before I even finish it.  She doesn’t seem to settle down and enjoy lullabies like her big sister, so I find it best to sing while I am zipping up her sleep sack or while I have her on the changing table.  Once we head toward her crib, she is itching to be still and in no mood for cuddles.  But the other day I was rocking her a bit longer than usual- waiting for that last burp- and I decided to sing You are my sunshine to her. 

(When we found out we were pregnant a second time, I worried that I would need to have a different “special song” for this new baby.  I didn’t want CR to have to share her lullaby with anyone, so I made a decision that the baby’s lullaby would be Hush Little Baby.  Yes, this sort of dilemma keeps me up at night.  Crazy, but true.  )  So you see, singing Sunshine to her was so out of place.  Something unusual happened- after only the first line, the baby grew just a bit heavier in my arms, she rested her head a tiny bit more upon my shoulder.  When I craned my neck to look at her face, I could see she was smiling.  And then she patted me on the back.  I like this one, she may have been thinking… or this can be my song too, mama.   I like to think she can remember hearing it when she was tucked safely inside my belly on that first night when her big sister sang along.  Not sure why it happened, but I am glad that it did.

I cherish the moments right before bedtime, when you close your eyes and drink in the smell of your child and simply feel love.  I like to hold my girls and kiss them and sing and rock them and whisper my hopes and wishes into their downy little ears.  These are the best moments. 

These are the moments when I let them know- You are my Sunshine…my only sunshine- with or without the actual song.