This is my first time...

Hello.  My name is Melissa.  Or Mel.  Or better yet, Mama.  However you address me, I will answer.  My personal favorite right now was given to me by my 3-year old:  Mama Mel.  Anyway- This is my first blog post.  I really enjoy writing, anything to do with my two daughters, and popcorn.  Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy.

What does ‘My Only Sunshine’ mean?  In my tiny world it refers to the second line of the lullaby You are my Sunshine.  My mom sang that song to me when I was a baby, and I have continued that tradition by singing it to my own babies.  When I first began singing it (over three years ago), I couldn’t get through the first verse without breaking down into a sniffling, weepy mess.  It is still not clear to me why the song is so sentimental to me. 

It could be because my mama sang it to me so it reminds me of her.  She’s my best friend and, unfortunately for me, lives two airline flights away, so I don’t get to spend as much time with her as I would like. 

But the actual words are pretty heartbreaking too.  It’s ripe with raw emotion.  You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.  That line in particular makes my lip quiver, my eyes grow blurry.  What a terrifically tragic verse.  Unrequited love.  I want my children to grow up and be strong and happy and all that good stuff.  But I also want them to know something.   Love.  Every mama wants this, I am certain.

The song has remained a favorite in the lullaby iTunes of my singing repertoire.  And to be fair and honest- I cannot so much as carry a tune.  But I still sing every day, several times a day.  Practice makes perfect??  Well, not exactly.  I’m such a dork that I searched for the lyrics one day while I was online.  I learned a lot about the song.  Unbeknownst to me, it’s a country song and also one of the official songs of the state of Louisiana.  It has five unique verses plus the widely known chorus.  I decided that five verses was too long for a lullaby, so the version I sing includes the first verse, flanked by two rounds of the chorus at the front and back end.  By the way- while I write this I am listening to a somewhat muzak-y version of it, for inspiration.  Very twangy, and Louisiana-ish, if you will.  Here’s the link:

http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/sunshine.htm

I have two particularly special memories tied to the song, one for each of my daughters.  The first one happened right after we moved into our current house.  I was lightly swaying and holding C.R. right before bedtime- one little arm tucked under, head resting in the bend of my elbow, legs draped across my body and feet dangling into the quiet darkness of her bedroom.  I started to sing ‘You are my Sunshine’ and my little girl began singing along with me.  She was probably about 22 months and talking quite a bit by then, but I had no idea she knew the words to the song.  I guess hearing it every night of your life for almost two years might do that to a gal.  My heart sang along with her that night.  It was a moment to cherish.  She loves music and dancing and I like to think all that singing had something to do with it. 

The other “this is it” moment for me and ol’ Sunshine happened just yesterday.  The baby sleeps four times a day still- she is eight months old.  Songs at naptime are often quick ones like Twinkle, twinkle little star and even with that one I am frequently outside her door before I even finish it.  She doesn’t seem to settle down and enjoy lullabies like her big sister, so I find it best to sing while I am zipping up her sleep sack or while I have her on the changing table.  Once we head toward her crib, she is itching to be still and in no mood for cuddles.  But the other day I was rocking her a bit longer than usual- waiting for that last burp- and I decided to sing You are my sunshine to her. 

(When we found out we were pregnant a second time, I worried that I would need to have a different “special song” for this new baby.  I didn’t want CR to have to share her lullaby with anyone, so I made a decision that the baby’s lullaby would be Hush Little Baby.  Yes, this sort of dilemma keeps me up at night.  Crazy, but true.  )  So you see, singing Sunshine to her was so out of place.  Something unusual happened- after only the first line, the baby grew just a bit heavier in my arms, she rested her head a tiny bit more upon my shoulder.  When I craned my neck to look at her face, I could see she was smiling.  And then she patted me on the back.  I like this one, she may have been thinking… or this can be my song too, mama.   I like to think she can remember hearing it when she was tucked safely inside my belly on that first night when her big sister sang along.  Not sure why it happened, but I am glad that it did.

I cherish the moments right before bedtime, when you close your eyes and drink in the smell of your child and simply feel love.  I like to hold my girls and kiss them and sing and rock them and whisper my hopes and wishes into their downy little ears.  These are the best moments. 

These are the moments when I let them know- You are my Sunshine…my only sunshine- with or without the actual song.